CM Punk sneaks in the back door to Wrestlemania
Raw Rant with Rick Foley
Just as Friday Night Smackdown had a theme for their show last week, Raw had a special theme for theirs. Monday Night Raw went “Old School”. WWE pulled out all of the stops for the production of this show. This included the old WWE logo, the old layout of the announce table, and Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole were even in their old suits for the show. Most impressively was the return of the huge Raw titan tron that was one of the most recognized symbols of the Attitude Era. Raw also saw the return of The Undertaker and Tripe H. The Undertaker would open Raw by standing on top of the stage and he made it known that he would be at Wrestlemania. Matches for the evening Included:
- Ryback versus United States Champion Antonio Cesaro in a Non-Title match
- Mark Henry versus Zack Ryder
- The Miz versus Dolph Ziggler
- WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No versus The Prime Time Players
- Brodus Clay and Tensai versus 3MB
- World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio versus Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett
- The New Age Outlaws versus Primo and Epico
- CM Punk versus Big Show, Sheamus and Randy Orton to determine The Undertaker’s opponent at Wrestlemania 29
Vickie Guerrero makes a Fatal-Four-Way match to determine who will face The Undertaker at Wrestlemania 29
After being knocked from atop the WWE perch, CM Punk declared that the only way he could avenge the loss of his Championship was to beat The Undertaker at Wrestlemania. He went on a tirade stating that he had been continually screwed by the WWE Universe and that a match with The Phenom would cement the legacy of the longest-reigning WWE Champion in the past 25 years. Before he could continue on with his new mission statement, Randy Orton appeared. Orton said that he, not CM Punk, should face The Undertaker. Orton stated that when he faced The Undertaker at Wrestlemania 21, he was just a rookie. But now, he was certain he would beat Undertaker, having becoming more skilled over the years. Big Show had also voiced his opinion saying that he too was just a novice when he first faced Undertaker. Show said that back the, he did not have a big fist, symbolizing the Knockout Punch. The Celtic Warrior Sheamus was the last to appear, telling the other men that he had a better chance than they did because he had never lost to The Undertaker, because he had never faced him. Sheamus would say that The Brogue Kick would put the Deadman down. And so the match was made!
Ryback def. United States Champion Antonio Cesaro
This match saw an aggressive and impressive attack from U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro. Cesaro systematically dismantled Ryback with a series of his famous European Uppercuts and his impressive strength. Cesaro was even able to knock Ryback down after a vicious Uppercut and then he went for the Neutralizer, but Ryback was able to reverse it and counter with his Meat hook Clothesline. Ryback put the Swiss champion away with Shellshock afterwards. After his victory, Ryback made his way to the back but was greeted by Mark Henry, who stood his ground and glared back at Ryback when The Monster felt he had been disrespected.
Mark Henry def. Zack Ryder
Zack Ryder needed an impressive enough win to be able to get on the card for Wrestlemania, which was taking place in his home of New York. His efforts would be stopped short on this day, however. After Mark Henry withstood a flurry of strikes from the Long Island Broski, he put Ryder away with the World’s Strongest Slam. “That’s what he does.”
The Miz def. Dolph Ziggler
Before The Miz went one-on-one with Dolph Ziggler, he said that he had a manager of his own, and that this person would make his corner much prettier than Ziggler’s. Moments later, the 16-Time World Heavyweight Champion “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair strutted down to the ring. The two competitors locked horns and the competition was pretty stiff. From time to time after he executed a move on The Miz, Ziggler would mock Ric Flair. Added to his advantage were A.J. and Big E Langston, who distracted the referee and allowed Langston to cheap shot The Miz when he was down. Flair would not stand for the unfair advantage and so he went to the other side of the ring to deliver chest chops to Big E Langston, which had no effect. Before Langston could strike back, The Miz intervened and knocked Langston down. The Miz used the advantage to pull Ziggler to the ring and put on the Figure Four Leg Lock for the victory.
WWE Champion The Rock and John Cena engage in a Point/Counter Point discussion
Before their intense debate began, The Rock was talking to “The People” about how he had been in Panama filing his new show and talked about how every day had 90 degree weather, so he was surprised to find out that it was so cold here. Not allowing him anymore time to mess around, John Cena made his presence known. Cena stated that not beating The Rock last year at Wrestlemania was the biggest mistake of his career. (We all know that isn’t true, we’ve learned a bit more about Mr. Cena in recent weeks) Cena said that because he got a second chance, he was meant to beat The Rock this time. The Rock acknowledged Cena’s talent, but The People’s Champion was defiant as ever, stating: “You THINK you can beat me, but I KNOW I can beat you.”
Jack Swagger Assaults Hall of Famers Sergeant Slaughter, Dusty Rhodes and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan
Before this match could even start, Jack Swagger took Hacksaw’s famed 2 x 4 and attacked him with it. When Sergeant Slaughter and Dusty Rhodes tried to help Hacksaw, they were attacked too. After putting Hacksaw in the Patriot Lock, Swagger pointed toward the Wrestlemania sign.
WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No def. The Prime Time Players
The Prime Time Players once again had a manager at their side in the form of WWE Hall of Famer “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase. Dibiase said that he would consider managing them if they won their match with Team Hell No. It was not to be, as Kane and Daniel Bryan worked very well together as if they hadn’t had a disagreement in weeks. Daniel Bryan worked quickly against the Prime Time Players, at one point even fighting both of them off in the corner. It wasn’t long before Kane was tagged in and put Darren Young away with a Choke Slam. After the match, Ted Dibiase took out a One Hundred dollar bill and stuffed it into Young’s mouth, as he so-famously did back in the day. Daniel Bryan went back to collect the Benjamin and stuffed it into his trunks.
Tensai and Brodus Clay def. 3MB
The longest-reigning Intercontinental Champion in WWE history, The Honky Tonk Man, was on hand for this bout. 3MB didn’t even let him get a word out before telling him to go back to being an Elvis impersonator in Vegas. Tensai quickly ended the match by rolling up Drew McIntyre for the win. After disrespecting The Honky Tonk Man some more, Heath Slater was cracked upon his head with his guitar. The Honky Tonk Man proceeded to dance with Brodus Clay and Tensai.
Fandango refuses to Wrestle again
Fandango was set to make his debut on Monday Night Raw, but refused after Justin Roberts could not pronounce his name right. This is the second time Fandango has put his debut on hold. I wonder how long he is supposed to keep this up.
Triple H Challenged Brock Lesnar to a match at Wrestlemania
Still hungry after finally being able to get his hands on Brock Lesnar, Triple H declared that he was back and ready to fight Lesnar. The COO said that he still worked out regularly as if he was still wrestling week after week, but he had no where to use all his strength. He said that he was in the best shape of his life. He hadn’t considered competing again, having cut off his long hair to acquire a more corporate look. When he saw his wife crying at Vince’s bedside, he saw his chance. His chance to return. The Chance for the Ass-Kicker in him to come back. As he closed, he repeated what he had said in a Tout last week on Raw: “Are you going to to something about it? Or are you just going to sit there and bleed?”
World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio def. Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett
This gritty battle saw a striking offense from both competitors- Literally! Barrett’s bare knuckle offense and big boots to the face of the Mexican Aristocrat accented Del Rio’s strikes with his legs and softening Barrett’s arms for the Cross Arm Breaker. At one point, Del Rio had Barrett tied up in the ropes and executed the Arm Breaker from there. Many times Barrett was able to execute Winds of Change, but Barrett was caught when he tried it again. Del Rio applied the Cross Arm Breaker and halted the Barrett Barrage.
The New Age Outlaws def. Primo and Epico
OH YOU DIDN’T KNOW??? YO’ ASS BETTAH CALL SOMEBODY!!! Yes sir. For one night only, The New Age Outlaws Road Dogg Jessie James and Badd Ass Billy Gunn returned to face Primo and Epico. They looked as if they hadn’t lost a step either. While they got caught up for a few moments, Billy Gunn saved the day off of the tag from Road Dogg, who had fought most of the match (which included his signature strikes and a shimmy). Almost immediately Primo went down with a Fame-Asser for the win.
CM Punk def. Big Show, Randy Orton and Sheamus in a Fatal-Four-Way to determine would face The Undertaker at Wrestlemania
For most of the match, CM Punk spent his time outside of the ring, waiting for the right moment to strike. He used this strategy when another superstar was down. He would sneak back into the ring to steal the pin away from who ever had executed a move on a downed wrestler. The only danger Punk really faced was the Knock Out Punch he had received from the Big Show, before the Big Show went down with a Brogue Kick, I believe. Randy Orton then delivered an RKO to Sheamus and then CM Punk re-entered the ring and kicked Orton in the back of the head and put him away with the Go To Sleep for the win. Moments later, The Undertaker appeared again and he stared CM Punk down as Old School Raw went off the air. As always, thanks for reading this and don’t forget you can join this blog’s Internet Wrestling Community on Facebook by searching for the group called Chat Shit About Wrestling!